


i'll show you every version of yourself tonight

by ahoy_cinderella



Category: Bodyguard (TV 2018)
Genre: AU, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:47:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28759809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahoy_cinderella/pseuds/ahoy_cinderella
Summary: would you still be where you are today if you had said yes instead of no?
Relationships: David Budd/Julia Montague
Comments: 12
Kudos: 59





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> aloha, beautiful otters!
> 
> this is a completely new AU fic. 
> 
> I've had the idea for AGES and basically vomited the idea to Ally and she said yes so here we are. I do have an idea of where this is going etc so I'm hoping between work and uni work it shouldn't be too hard to write as I actually have ideas for each chapter.
> 
> I had a whack of this chapter written for a while and finished it tonight, so if it feels kinda rushed, that's why and I'm sorry.
> 
> please as always, let me know what you think. I'll make you a cake and write more if you do. yes, obviously I'm bribing you.

* * *

_“Would you still be where you are today if you’d said yes instead of no?”_

_“What do you mean?”_

and that’s when everything changed.

It was another one of those days, those days that felt like weeks, one of those days that felt like there were just too many hours. Julia nodded to her PPO Kim Knowles who had alerted her that they should be leaving soon if she was to make her surgery on time. She stood from her chair, gathered her paperwork and practically threw it into her briefcase. The last few weeks had been an absolute nightmare in the Home Office due to a terror incident on London Bridge. Julia had been up to her neck in meetings and conferences and had so much paperwork to go through she was confident she had half of the Amazon rainforest on her desk.

“Is that everything Ma’am?” Kim acquired, holding the glass door to Julia’s office open

“Yes, Thanks Kim.” Julia nodded and smiled at the blonde. She was forever grateful for Kim Knowles. The woman in charge of her security knew her schedule better than she did at this point.

“Joanne, the stylist, called earlier” Kim started as they approached the elevators “She will be at your apartment for 6 with the dress you decided on for this evening’s event”

Julia sighed and let her head fall back against the silver, mirrored wall of the lift “Great” She murmured with her eyes closed.

The last thing she wanted was to be dolled up to the nines, wandering around a giant ballroom in heels that hurt every time she took a breath, sucking up to posh, rich men all in the name of charity. The majority of the time she felt like the token woman of the government and was paraded about like a show pony for these events, always encouraged by the Prime Minister to sweet talk the wealthy guests into donating to the party funds. Normally, she wouldn’t mind these events, especially if they were for charity but tonight was the last thing she needed. The only thing Julia wanted was to get this surgery over and done with and go home to a bottle of wine and her bed.

Being the Home Secretary meant Julia didn’t have as much time as she would’ve liked to, to go back to her constituency and speak with people face to face, help answer their questions and queries. She had always enjoyed working with people, for people, helping people in a way that mattered.

That was why today, she had taken the time to sit down with her constituents and hopefully make them confident in her abilities to do her job.

After the first few sessions, with those who were concerned about bin collection dates, graffiti and the other mundane matters that she tried to assure people were under control, a man approached her slowly, a baseball cap on his head, and a large dark blue jacket covering him frame.

“Julia Montague?”

Julia looked up and saw the most piercing green eyes she had ever seen, not unlike a snake’s eyes.

“Yes? How can I help you?” His gaze made her feel uneasy for a moment as the man sat down in front of her, clasping his large calloused hands in his lap.

“Julia Montague, the lawyer from West and Stern?”

Julia’s eyes widened in surprise; it had been a _long_ time since anyone had referred back to her previous life. She had started out as a criminal defence lawyer, way back when. Her life had been politics for over a decade now, it was strange to be associated with being a lawyer once again.

“Oh, yes.” She pressed her lips together in a small smile “It has been a while since then but yes, I was a lawyer at West and Stern.”

“I know,” the man replied “I remember you” he removed his cap and folded it into his lap, a head of thick, ashy blonde hair topped his head.

“My name is Max.” He said, “Max Joseph Cairns.”

Julia tried to remember if she had heard the name before, she was usually good with remembering her old cases and the faces of those she had defended.

“You saved my life.”

Julia was taken aback by the man’s statement. Her dark eyes widened, and she let out a sigh, a weight lifted from her shoulders. “Well, Max. I have to admit that was not what I was expecting you to say” she said with a light chuckle.

Max smiled and nodded “I can imagine you don’t see a lot of people who you represented back then”

“Not so much” Julia admitted with a smile “And when I do, they are not always happy to see me. It’s usually them screaming at me about how I ruined their lives”

Being a criminal barrister wasn’t easy. In fact, it was gut wrenching at times. Julia often found herself defending the guilty, with them almost always expecting her to keep them out of jail. When that didn’t happen, they were livid. Her life had been threatened more times than she could count.

“Well, I wanted to be able to tell you in person, thank you for defending me when no one else did. Thank you for making me who I am today.”

Julia tried not to feel uneasy at his words, was this man being serious or was he about to unleash some vile hatred and be another one of those who threatened her life?

“I was barely 16. I was in with the wrong crowd, a group of lads who were all a lot older than me. They held a corner shop up at knifepoint one night...March 17th, 2002. I had no idea it was happening, and I was completely unprepared, the cashier was injured but he survived.” Max explained, his head hung low as if in shame “The police caught me when the gang all ran off, they all jumped in a car and got away, I was left to run.”

Julia listened intently, suddenly remembering the case that was brought to her. One of the partners from the firm had come to her and practically thrown the folder at her, told her it was open and shut and ‘the kid’ would likely get time.

“I sat in the police cell, terrified out my wits and you walked in and introduced yourself.” Max finally looked her in the eyes since before he sat down “You were the first person to ask me what happened.” Julia gave him a sad smile

“Everyone else assumed I had been a part of the whole thing when in fact I knew nothing until I got there, and the guys told me what was gonna go down. You fought in my corner when no one else would.” He leaned forward and placed his hands on the table. “I got community service instead of a jail sentence and from that day I swore I would turn my life around because you told me, next time I wouldn’t be so lucky, and I believed you.”

“I’m glad to hear that, Max.” Julia gave him a genuine smile “I’m happy to hear that I had a positive impact and that you managed to save yourself.”

“I have a kid now, Sam, he’s 3 and I’d do anything to keep him from having that sort of life.”

“That’s good.” She nodded “I hope you stick to that.”

“I just wanted to say thank you, to your face. I wanted you to know that even though people hate the Tory party, I mean I would happily see most of your colleagues getting plunged into the sea, but I know you’re different, despite everything the media says, ‘bout you...you saved my life Home Secretary.”

Julia chuckled, she knew that the Conservative party, while being in power, were still unpopular with a lot of people, she saw it in the protesters outside Westminster, read it in the newspapers and heard it on the radio but hearing someone say that they still appreciated her, despite being a member of the Conservative government was something that brought joy to her heart.

“Max, I don’t know what to say” she smiled “I’m glad that your brush with the law helped you put things into perspective, and you managed to get out of that life and I’m grateful that you feel I played a part in that. So, thank you.” She reached for his hand and shook it tight.

“Thank you” Max replied. As he got up and turned to leave, he turned to face Julia once more “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course,”

“Did you know back then that you wanted to be in the government?”

Julia raised her eyebrows in surprise, her life back then had been vastly different to now. Back when she was a junior lawyer she was in a relationship, living in a tiny little hole-in-the-wall flat, she saw her friends regularly, she had some semblance of a life. Had she known that this was how her life would turn out, holding one of the highest government positions in the country, and yet being one half of a bitterly divorced pair, living in a posh studio apartment that felt too big for just her, having barely any likeness of a social life, Julia couldn’t be sure she would’ve accepted.

“In all honesty, Max, I don’t think I did. At that time, it wasn’t on my radar at all.”

“Hmm.” He replied, clearly thinking about something. “Do you ever wonder what your life would’ve turned out like if you hadn’t run for government?”

“Excuse me?” Julia became slightly unnerved by his questioned, she was never one for dwelling on the past.

“Would you still be where you are today if you had said yes instead of no?”

Julia’s heart jumped in her chest, it was as if he knew what she had given up in what felt like a previous life “What do you mean?” she asked, her voice quiet

Max shrugged and pulled his cap back onto his head “Thanks again, Julia Montague” he nodded before walking away.

.

For the rest of the evening, Julia had an uneasy feeling sitting in the pit of her stomach. The comment Max had made, about saying yes instead of no, had thrown her completely. Julia was never one to dwell on the past, looking back was a pointless exercise if it wasn’t going to help you to get to where you want to be. She rarely looked back on her childhood; her strained relationship with her mother, the pressure from both of her parents to do well in school, her school days where she was picked on for being naturally smart. She had tried so hard to not know the answers, tried everything to make her brain not work as well as it did but it was impossible. University was a blur, too many vodka shots, too many lectures, not enough food and definitely not enough sleep.

The absolute last thing she ever wanted to think about was _him_.

She definitely didn’t want to think about how happy they had been back then and how much she missed him even though years had passed. She had been married and bitterly divorced in the time since she had last seen him or even spoken to him.

The last thing she wanted to do was to think about what could’ve been had she stayed with David Budd … but apparently tonight, that was not meant to be

_“Monty!”_

Julia scowled, surely that wasn’t someone calling for her. She continued to walk among the crowd, straitening her dark blue dress across her chest.

_I knew I should’ve chosen the one with the straps_ she cursed to herself, adjusting the fitted material

“ _Monty!”_ The same voice called again, not shouting, more of a cough as to avoid drawing attention.

Julia turned, it had been years since she had been called Monty and even then, there was only really one person who called her that.

_“Monty!”_ Julia locked eyes with the last person she was expecting to see.

“Andy?” She tried and failed to hide the look of shock on her face “What are you doing here?” She chuckled “This is the last place I’d have expected to see you” She walked towards the man she had known well in a past life.

Andy Apsted had been one of David’s best friends back when she knew him. The pair were thick as thieves and when Julia had first met him, he had decided from then on, she would be known as Monty.

_“I don’t like Julia”_

_“Excuse me?” Julia turned her gaze towards her boyfriend’s best friend and scowled_

_“No! No, not I don’t like you, Julia.” Andy reached out and drunkenly placed his hand on her shoulder as David sniggered behind her, his arm wrapped around her waist. “I don’t like the name”_

_“Oh …” She turned and looked at David and he just continued to chuckle_

_“I have no idea” He murmured in her ear, turning back to the bar to take a swig from his bottle of beer._

_“I had an ex called Julia” Andy muttered, his words slurring slightly_

_“No, you didn’t” David called, laughing at his friend_

_“Yes, I did!” Andy stood straight and glared at David, David in turn rolled his eyes “In high school! Her name was Julia Archer and I loved her”_

_“Aww Andy” Julia pouted her lower lip and placed her hand on his arm_

_“She cheated on me with some idiot from a different school” He gulped down a mouthful of his pint “Slag”_

_David at this point burst out laughing and grabbed Julia close, placing a random kiss on her shoulder “I’m so sorry, babe” He muttered_

_Julia just laughed._

_“I’m sorry you don’t like my name Andy”_

_“I’m gonna call you Monty instead” He grinned “Get it? Montague…Monty?”_

_Julia rolled her eyes and glared at David “Is he for real?” She whispered, loud enough for him to hear in the crowded bar._

“I’m working” Andy smiled, “I’m in specialist protection now. PPO for the defence secretary”

“What?” Julia swung round and looked for her colleague “You’re Ben’s PPO?”

“Yep”

“God, that must be fun” Julia muttered, and Andy laughed “Don’t tell him I said that!” She warned.

“I won’t.” Andy nodded, “Your secret’s safe with me, Monty”

Julia rolled her eyes at the old nickname “So how have you been?”

“Yeah, not bad, married now. Kid on the way” Andy beamed, and Julia gasped

“Oh, Andy! Congratulations!” Julia couldn’t help but reach out and hug the man in front of her “That’s wonderful news”

“Yeah, we’ve been trying for a while, but it’s finally happened. Baby boy, due at the end of October”

Julia grinned and couldn’t help but laugh internally, the last person she would have expected to settle down was Andy, the whole time she knew him he had been somewhat of a player, using his solider status on any unsuspecting women who would look his way.

“You spoke to David recently?” He asked

Julia felt her blood run cold “No” She said quietly “We … uh, we never really kept in touch”

“Oh.” Andy’s cheeks turned pink “Sorry, Julia” He stuttered “I knew you guys didn’t speak for a while after the breakup, but I thought with the accident and him being back in London now …”

“What accident?” Julia’s heart plummeted

“Shit, I’m really putting my foot in it tonight” He chuckled “Uh, David, when we were out in Helmand. There was a convoy heading back to base, they hit an IED …”

Julia gasped, her hand over her mouth “What happened? is he okay?”

“He got lucky, I guess, some pretty nasty burns down his back and stuff, I don’t know the full extent. He hasn’t spoken to anyone since he got back” Andy started “Vicky, his wife, called me a couple of months ago and asked me to go and see him, see if he would talk to me but he wouldn’t even let me in the room. I just spoke to Vicky for a bit and left”

“Flirting with the help now are we, Julia?” Roger interrupted, appearing from behind Julia and smirked behind his glass of overpriced champagne.

“Oh, fuck off, Roger” Julia growled at her ex-husband.

It didn’t take long for Roger to slink off with a grunt and leave Andy and Julia alone once more.

“Andy, I had no idea…”

“It’s alright, Monty” Andy spoke “We’ve all got different lives now”

“But still … “

“Listen, don’t worry about it. We’re gonna get him the help he needs, try to get him to therapy and stuff, hopefully it’ll all work out.” Andy insisted “He’s got kids, he needs to get himself sorted out”

She felt that knot in her stomach that had been there all afternoon grow, not only was the man she was once completely and utterly in love with now married and horribly injured, but he also had kids. Little mini-Budd’s, tiny versions of him that they had once spoke about having together.

“He has kids?” Julia replied, almost whispering

“Yeah two. Boy and a girl” Andy smiled “Charlie, after his grandad and Ella”

“He always said he wanted to name his first son after Papa Charlie” Julia smiled, hoping Andy couldn’t see the emotion she could feel screaming through her body.

“Yeah, he was always convinced you guys would have a bunch of sons.” Andy laughed “You’d be left dealing with him and a couple of mini-David’s”

“God, can you imagine?” Julia rolled her eyes and tried not to think about all the conversations they had once had about the future. Her future looked _nothing_ like they had imagined. But then again, neither did his.

“What could’ve been, eh?”

Julia felt sick. Twice in once day she was asked that question. Why was everyone out to remind her of how different her life could have been?

They were cut off by a sound through Andy’s radio.

“Sorry, I have to go deal with this” He said quickly “It’s been good seeing you again, Monty!” He beamed

“You too, Andy” Julia smiled and reached for another hug. She couldn’t tell whether it was the emotions or the alcohol in her system that made her hug her colleague’s PPO in front of everyone but in all fairness, she had known him first.

“Let’s not leave it too long, eh?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> felt like the first chapter ended a bit abruptly and rushed so here's a wee bit more.

* * *

“Ma’am? Is everything alright?” Kim approached Julia.

“Pardon?” Julia had watched Andy rush off, briefly chat to another man dressed just like him, wearing an identical earpiece before leaving in the other direction “oh yes, Kim. everything’s fine”

“I just saw you with PC Apsted and thought something had happened” Kim began to explain but stopped when she saw the woman in front of her wasn’t really listening.

“Julia ...” The blonde reached for the Home Secretary’s arm “is everything okay?”

Over the years she had been assigned to Julia Montague, Kim had become well versed in the emotions of her principal. She could tell just by looking when Julia was angry, tired, excited, she could even when she was hungry, but now it was something else, something she hadn’t seen.

“Sorry Kim,” Julia smiled softly “Just a blast from the past is all”

“PC Apsted?” Kim raised her eyebrows with a smirk

“Not in that way!” Julia scolded the blonde with a chuckle. “We were friends ... I was in a relationship with David, Andy was ... I guess he still is, his best friend.”

“Oh wow” Kim glanced in the direction Julia was currently looking, Andy Apsted was talking to another PPO and his principal, the Defence Secretary Ben Wallis.

“Another lifetime” Julia said quietly.

“How long were you together?” Kim asked.

A sharp breath escaped Julia nude painted lips “Gosh it would’ve been almost four years?” She replied with a sad smile.

“Oh god, here we go” Julia spoke quietly before Kim could reply as she saw her ex-husband saunter over, this time with a whiskey tumbler in his hand.

“Your latest conquest get bored already, Jules?”

Julia and Kim both rolled their eyes “Oh do shut up, Roger. Shouldn’t you be hanging off the PM’s coattails right about now?”

Kim tried hard to stifle the laugh that was threatening to burst out at any minute. She had been assigned to Julia Montague roughly three years into the Montague/Penhaligon marriage. She had been privy to some exquisite arguments between the two, she had watched them play the “power couple” image for the cameras and then take separate cars home at night. She had been in the room when Julia had handed the envelope containing their divorce papers over and had to step in when Roger had a fit at her decision and started throwing insults and threats her way.

She had to admit that watching them argue was brilliant. Roger always thought he had the upper hand every time until Julia would come back with a quip so sharp you could cut a diamond and he would scuttle off with his tail between his legs.

It was like watching a vicious game of tennis between the ex-married couple until Julia had mentioned Roger’s latest failed relationship and he cursed under his breath and walked off, throwing back the rest of the amber liquid as he went.

“Time to go I think, Kim?” Julia turned back to her PPO “Nothing like an argument with your ex-husband to end a dreadful week”

“I’ll get Terry to come round right now, Ma’am” Kim strode off, speaking into her radio piece as Julia went to collect her coat.

Minutes later Julia walked out of the building with Kim as her driver Terry pulled up in the dark armoured car.

“Traffic seems fair for a Friday night, should have you home in no time, Ma’am”

“Thanks Kim” Julia smiled and kept her eyes on her feet as she held her dress and carefully walked down the stairs towards her car.

Just as she hit the pavement, a body bumped into her, in shock Julia jumped back and Kim grabbed her arm to steady her.

“I’m so sorry” She started and stopped when she saw who it was, she bumped into.

“Max?” She recognised the young man from her surgery earlier that day. The same blue puffer coat and dark baseball cap. But it was the eyes that gave him away, the bright green seemed even brighter in the dark of night, as if they were glowing.

“Julia” Max nodded and stood at the side of the road.

That knot in Julia’s stomach took over her whole body, almost instantly, every fibre of her being was on high alert. Why was he here? Had he been following her?

“Ma’am,” Kim grabbed Julia’s arm and attempted to lead her to the car parked just metres away.

Julia continued to stare at Max, unable to break eye contact with the stranger. She followed Kim’s lead for a few steps and stopped. Why was he here?

“Why are you here?” Julia spoke, her voice carried to Max who just stood silent. After everything that had happened today, first meeting Max, and then Andy, all the mentions of the past, it was all getting a bit too much and Julia now felt completely on edge

“Ma’am ... Julia!” Kim tried to stop her, but Julia was quicker and walked right up to the younger man.

“Are you following me?” Julia Montague was never one to beat around the bush.

“No” Max replied.

“Why are you here?” She asked again “You were at the surgery before and now here? I haven’t seen you for what? Almost 10 years and now it’s twice in one day?”

Max stood silent and Julia glared at the younger man. She could hear Kim talking to her, something about getting in the car but she needed answers.

“Did you think about what I said?” Max kept his voice low and quiet so only Julia could hear.

“Excuse me?” Julia frowned.

“Your life could’ve been so different, Julia”

It was official. Julia was nervous. What did this man want? Why was he so insistent on bringing up her past?

“What are you talking about?”

“Maybe you should’ve said yes”

Her eyes widened, she took a step back and shook her head slightly. “You have no idea what you are talking about” she told the younger man. Her voice catching in her throat.

“What if I did?” Max shrugged “What if I knew exactly what you were missing out on?”

.

The car ride home had been a blur. Kim had practically dragged Julia into the car and scolded her for not listening to her sooner.

She slowly paced her around apartment, a glass of red wine in her hand, the orange glow of the streetlights casting through the curtains that Kim insisted she keep closed.

There had been extra security posted outside her house after the run in with Max. It had unnerved Kim to a point where she didn’t feel comfortable leaving Julia with just the basic security for the weekend.

Julia argued that it was the weekend, and she wasn’t going anywhere anyway so there was no need, but Kim wasn’t having it.

She walked over to the window and drew back the cream-coloured curtains slightly, glancing out into the street below. She saw the two cars she knew were security and rolled her eyes.

Walking back to the couch, Julia grabbed a thick grey blanket she kept over the back of one of the armchairs and lay down. She flicked on the TV for some distraction because she knew the last thing that would be happening was sleep.

She knew the extra security was probably a good thing but couldn’t help but deem it unnecessary, it was the weekend. Julia had absolutely zero plans to leave her apartment for the next two days, she barely wanted to leave her bed.

She would be absolutely fine. Right?


End file.
